I DO NOT WANT TO CALL IT COSMIC.
September 16th, 2010 § Leave a Comment
Cha Malazarte for Adobo Forum – October, 2010.
I stumbled upon many circumstances that evoked a lot of introspection in my life lately. Oh, at least, during the last two weeks; or to be more precise, the 2nd to the 3rd week of September. First was my decision to finally enroll in a basic fitness program which converted me to become more conscious about my health and fitness. Second was when I gave up rice. And this, even people at home can testify. It was hard, but only to a certain extent. Today is my 12th day without it and I could only imagine for however long! I need to move forward (I thought my turning point was when one day at the gym, I saw my weight reach the alarming state), and influence from my support group would have created that much impact. So, I surrounded myself with people who would remind me that I am on a mission.
And one day, there came a long lost friend who had quite a handful to share. Quitting smoking, forgetting coffee and the eighth tattoo – these were his good news. And it came to me, that I realized there’s always a purpose for every reunion – be it with lost friends, loved ones or foes. And this time, this one made more sense to me that it came upon the moment when we were both – in totally separate locations – drinking Shiraz, not eating rice, exploring Tagaytay and remembering the Tibetan chant In the same light and spirit. I became deeply grateful for his return that we would have been allies in this journey. But, perhaps, I would have spoken the same predicament with or without this reunion. I must have presumed it was a cosmic interlude; but something told me it was just an interjection, a run-on, so I could meaningfully continue what I had started.
This week, I found myself in a workshop for highly effective people. The habits taught and explained became merely a backbone because I learned most from and saw through all the leaders who were with me in conversations that mattered a lot to me. Our conversations, sharing, insights, arguments and introspections totally shifted my paradigm to a more effective disposition. It was the kind of openness you would not have imagined to be visible in that room for three days, knowing that they hold key positions; but yes, it became. Because of it, my yearning for family relationship became more enlightening than lonely and I saw myself most anxious and excited to see my children after a long day. I loved that group and I admired our speaker. I love you, Pat.
When I began writing this essay, I was recovering from a painful hang over after an evening of frozen cocktail mix with a friend. And while the analgesic didn’t prove to be effective, I lied down in bed and these thoughts came by. For a long moment, I felt very inspired by certain things I considered unnoticed blessings: simply meeting the most interesting souls in your lifetime who beckon you to something better, to some place new; doing the things you never imagined you can do, nurturing your home (knowing that the universal responsibility begins there)… I can’t believe they’re all happening to me one after another.
I love how life is with me, my family, my relationships with friends, colleagues and even the strangers I run into everyday. My daughters are becoming more engaged in their lives outside home, more independent to take care of themselves while I condition myself to be more trusting that they can always decide the smallest things on their own. I felt renewed for most of these things are lessons from a thorough life. I aim to have it followed with a validation that my yearning for a wrist *tattoo will finally come to fruition next week because I saw its meaning from all the things I have spoken of above.
*The lotus flower and the Buddhist Om symbol became entirely it on my left wrist, in sunburst red orange. I had it done two days after I wrote this article in September. And it felt good! It signified the many changes and storms I survived – nothing compared to all the tests of time, if about the pain. I thought that it’s the best time to manifest them visually on my body because there is already openness, no more darkness to hide.
Feel free to email: charissemalazarte@yahoo.com
